Hello, welcome to the Productivity Genius podcast. I'm your host Kelly Fifield, and today we're talking to anyone who's ever been tough on themselves. So basically all of us. We're going to look at why beating yourself up actually seriously slows you down. You might be thinking, well, isn't a little tough love a good thing sometimes? Like doesn't it actually push me to work harder? Trust me, I get it. We're often taught and actually the idea is celebrated that maybe being hard on ourselves and pushing ourselves, and being our own drill sergeant might actually be the secret sauce to productivity. But the truth is it's actually the opposite. You can be very successful while being hard on yourself. But if you are, you're successful despite the self-loathing, not because of it. Self-criticism creates fear, hesitation, and avoidance. And obviously, all of those kill momentum. So if you're currently using negativity to try to motivate yourself, you're actually just giving yourself another obstacle. Sure, there are people who are successful and mean to themselves. But they are not moving as quickly as they could, and they're creating such a painful path on their way to reaching their goals. So while it is possible, it's surely not the most enjoyable or efficient way. The great news is that when you realize self-compassion can actually be your biggest productivity boost and create a dramatically better experience of your work, then at that point, you've unlocked a cheat code superpower. Let's break it down. Let's talk about why being hard on yourself doesn't work the way we want it to. So when you criticize yourself, it triggers your brain's stress response, and that's either going to be fight, flight, or freeze. Because you really are under attack and the assailant is actually you. So instead of solving problems or taking action, you're stuck in fear and defense mode. It totally makes sense that you might hide or kind of spin out your inner protector part has to stay super vigilant since that bully can rear its anger and be triggered at any moment because the bully is actually you. Can you imagine if there was a real person, like a separate person? Not that you're not a real person, but there was a person that was as mean and critical as you are sometimes to yourself, you would avoid that person like the plague. But in this case, that bully is always available, ready to pounce. In order to take action in this scenario, you need to generate courage. Yes, it is possible to take action under these circumstances, but obviously, it takes an incredible amount of energy and effort. But if we can't generate enough energy to muster up the courage we need. Or we don't feel safe enough to overcome the fear. Here's what usually happens. We either one avoid challenges. When we know we're going to criticize ourselves, failure feels unbearable. So one way to avoid that feeling is to just avoid doing the tasks or taking the risk or doing the hard thing. Another thing that's definitely going to happen in this situation is we're going to waste a lot of mental energy. Beating yourself up creates this constant internal loop of worry and self-doubt. And this drains the energy you could be using to focus on getting things done. And of course, the other thing that this does is it reinforces limiting beliefs that harsh self-talk feeds that story that you're not good enough or there's something wrong with you. And that's of course, going to make it harder for you to believe in your abilities and succeed. Okay. So let's talk about why. Self-compassion actually boosts productivity. So when you approach yourself with kindness, you create this supportive internal environment that encourages growth and action. Here's why that works. It builds resilience. So when mistakes are met with understanding instead of judgment, you're more likely to give things a try and then bounce back. It also reduces procrastination. So when we're scared of failure, and scared of the reaction that we're going to have for ourselves, that's of course going to drive avoidance, but by reassuring yourself that mistakes were okay and that you're proud of yourself for trying, it makes it easier to keep going. And then the third thing, it promotes creative problem-solving. Calm and compassionate mindset frees up those cognitive resources for innovative ideas and strategic thinking. Let's look closely at that inner dialogue that often comes up. That resistance usually comes from a couple of different places. It comes from the part of us that scared, scared of judgment or failure or uncertainty. And also from the part of us that wants to protect that scared part. And this is where self-compassion can shine. So think of it like this inside all of us, there's a bunch of different parts here. We're talking about like that critical part, that scared part. And that protector part, the critical voices things like if you don't get this right, you're a moron or you're stupid, or you're such a loser. The scared part probably is thinking something like, I don't know if I can handle this. I feel terrible. I'm terrified. And then we have that protector part that wants to keep us safe by trying to get us to not act. To risk, like the backlash. So instead of letting these voices just run the show, try speaking to them with kindness. And we're talking about all the parts, the critical part, the protector part, and the scare part. That bully part might also be a little scared because it just wants you to succeed. It knows that you want to reach these goals and it knows you're dreaming of this and it knows you're really wishing and hoping for this thing. And so it's trying to bully the rest of you into getting things done, to try to help you reach the goals. You can thank that part of you for being so concerned and let it know that you're going to take action to reach the goals that you are appreciative of. That. Bully part's concern. And you understand that they just want to get the things that you want. But reassure it, that you are taking care of those things. You can reassure the scared part by saying something like I am going to support you no matter what, I am not going to berate you or say terrible things to you. And for that protector part, you might want to let it know that you are there to protect the scared part. They no longer have to stay vigilant to protect the scared part from the bully, because you've decided you are going to be kind to yourself when that inner self, all of those inner pieces feel safe, it gets easier. You make it easier to take action. If this kind of thinking resonates with you at all, I highly recommend the book. No bad parts. It covers the internal family systems model, which explores how different parts of our psyche can work together. When approached with compassion. Okay, so here's your action step. Next time you're considering trying something challenging. Just pause and notice what emotion comes up. If you feel that worry or anxiety or hesitation, maybe take a moment to speak directly to the parts that are showing up. Acknowledge the fear or the concern and decide ahead of time, how you're going to support yourself. For example. If you notice there's some fear there, maybe the thought that's causing it. It's something like I might mess this up. You could reassure yourself saying no matter what happens, I've got my own back, no matter what, I'm going to be proud of myself for trying something hard. By speaking kindly to the part of you, that's scared. You create space and safety to move forward. The fear might still be there of course, because You have this history of being tough on yourself. So of course the parts of you are not completely convinced that everything's going to be fine. So they still might be there and on alert, but over time, your inner self. Trust that you're not going to beat yourself up. And when you know, you're always going to have your own support. It's much easier to take bold, exciting steps. So I hope today's episode helped you see why self-compassion, isn't just like a nice to have. It's actually a productivity superpower. The next time you hear that critical voice or that scared voice or that protector part. Try responding to all the parts with kindness. Remember the way you treat yourself. Deeply matters. So in our next episode, we're going to dive into time, blocking a powerful strategy to structure your day and protect your focus. It's kind of like Tetris for your schedule. Trust me, you're going to love it. Thank you so much for spending some time with me today. Keeping kind to yourself, my friend, you've got this. See you next time.
